I'm not following the crowd,
But, there's, so many things just staring at me.
I'm not going, with the flow,
I gotta wave 'Goodbye', and say 'Hello',
To unfamiliar circumstances.
Oo-h, I'm gonna start believing in myself,
It's up to me, and no one else.
I feel it.
This could be the start of something.
I can feel, my heart is jumping.
Want to walk, but can't stop running,
Oh, I can't stop running.
Good to be, a part of something.
Once, a part of someone's nothing.
This could be the start of something,
This could be the start of something good.
Life's a bitch, life's a mess,
Tryin'a find your way, it's not that easy,
It's not the way it looks on TV.
I'm fully clothed, but still undressed,
Like, I'm walked on the highest wire,
without a safety net below me.
O-h There ain't another place I'd rather be,
Listen to the voice inside of me, that's shouting:
This could be, the start of something.
I can feel, my heart is jumping.
Want to walk, but can't stop running,
Oh, I can't stop running.
Good to be, a part of something.
Once, a part of someone's nothing.
This could be the start of something.
This could be, the start of something good.
This could be where I belong,
It's just so good to belong.
Maybe, this time is the one,
Maybe, this time is the one time I've been waiting for.
This could be, the start of something,
I can feel, my heart is jumping.
Want to walk, but can't stop running,
This could be the start of something good.
So, today, I met up with Catherine (My friend, Alison's older sister...not that Catherine isn't my friend, too.) She's on holiday from Oxford university, so it was nice to see her. We ambled around town for a few hours, and it was fun.
I haven't done much else, it's still fairly early in the day...
I'm going away on holiday the day after we break up from school, which Fia just asked me. Because she wants to meet up with me.
Sadly, I won't be around enough.
I guess it doesn't matter, she has other friends anyway. Though, the two people I do want to see during the holiday - well, I can't see Fia because of being away - and the other hasn't bothered to tell me when he's coming home, even when I asked. Which probably means he doesn't want to tell me or see me, which is just 'peachy'. (Heavy on the sarcasm, there.) Well, whatever, I can't make people want to see me.
I'll just sell his present on eBay if he doesn't bother to arrange to meet up some time in the next week.
Wait, that sounds very cruel...
But, I'd be upset, so...maybe I would be cruel about it...I don't know. Ah, I'm so mean. XD :(
Not really, actually, I'm quite nice...I think. I try hard for people, so why shouldn't i get something back once in a while?
I'm trying to be less of a doormat for people...I find it difficult. I usually just let them have their way if I care about them, few and far between, but still.
I'd just appreciate it if people cared once in a while...but, you can't play with someone's heart either, because it's unfair. I hope I never hurt anyone like that...
It's doubtful I would, not because I don't have it in me...I think it can be fairly said that every human being has the ability to rip another's heart out metaphorically. (In some cases probably literally, but that'd be murder...). Yes, anyway, I just don't think people notice me enough to get hurt by me like that. So, I suppose everyone's safe from me.
I'm not even interested in other people anymore. Haha. Not in a selfish, 'The World Revolves Around Me' way, just, that I'm not the person I used to be. I refuse to rely on anyone anymore. :) Ever.
I'm on the last episode of Heroes now. :D yay!
"There's no way out here, there's nothing left in here.
No time for loving, no.
Are you really gonna throw it all away?
Are you really gonna throw it all away?
There's no love in a fight song, only the sound of your heart breaking."
I think, that there are times when...it's okay to be confused...
If that makes sense.
Sometimes I feel so happy with the new life I've been able to make since starting sixth form...a friendship group, the work, myself...I'm proud of myself, in a way.
But, at the same time, beneath the surface, all day, it's like there's this sadness just waiting to break out...like then the meniscus of water breaks over a beaker. There's something stopping it from spilling over, but, any second it might just split apart and fall away, letting everything come tumbling out. I'm not sure...if it's bad to feel this way though.
I've never felt like this before, if I'm honest.
There were times when I was younger, when I used to feel so hurt and constantly scared at school that I couldn't trust anyone, but...it's not like that.
I trust people, and I'm thankful that I have the friends I do right now, because they're fantastically special.
But, it's not like anything else.
I've had times were I've felt angry because of why I hurt, others when I just felt lost and pathetic...but, I don't think it's like any of that. I used to be able to not feel it, it wasn't always, but somewhere along the way it seems to have taken root.
It's weird to describe, but, physically, I feel it, it's like there's a numb area in my chest that wasn't there before. *sigh* Oh well.
Maybe I'm going to have a heart attack? :)
I'm not trying to be angsty, I got sidetracked by a sad song, sorry! haha.
What type of calendar shall I get myself this year?
There's a list of ones I like at the moment.
(This is a very important part of the year - calendar choosing)
- TrueBlood
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer
- Heroes
- Star Trek
- Transformers
- Johnny Depp (Because he's just so cute XD)
- Zachary Quinto...if they make one, and if they don't...THEY SHOULD!
So, yes, those are my choices...I think I'll probably buy the Heroes one, to be honest, or Star Trek. I'm just so cool like that. I just realised Zachary Quinto's in both...heh. All good then.
Other stuff...that's randomly come into my head...
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I'd like another corset. <3>Ah well.
Maybe I should just become a lesbian?
Kissing girls, eh? No, I can't really see myself doing, or enjoying that...it doesn't really appeal. Okay, I guess, a very small part of my does find the idea interesting, experimentation and all that crap...and Sienna Miller. OMG.
Anyway, it's in realm of no, lesbianism.
Lesbians don't see Zachary Quinto shirtless and melt, or read about Eric in TrueBlood and wonder why the hell Sookie doesn't just dump Bill and get together with Eric. He-llo! Why would she not want Eric? Pft. He's blond, blue eyed, powerful, amusing, not too muscular and really tall. What is not to like there?!
Bill's just...rough and manly...and muscle. Bleh. Not a good type of (okay, not MY) manly. Plus, she can have a conversation with Eric.
Okay, it's a BOOK! I don't care...why am I ranting about it? It's not real life. Probably a good thing Eric's not real...I'd jump his bones without a second thought. *sigh* Very good thing he isn't real.
Anyway, I'm working on a Physics project about swords - how awesome is that?! - I chose the topic because:
1) Swords are awesome.
2) They're very historical.
3) I get to bring a sword into school.
4) SWORDS FOR THE WIN!
5) I want one.
6) I wish I was a Ninja.
7) There's a Katana in Heroes - seal of approval.
8) They're just cool.
9) I know a lot about swords.
10) Too much.
11) I WANT TO BE A NINJA, DAMMIT!
I should go and do that awesome Physics project now...and my Chemistry exam paper.
Farewell, for now.
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