It's been ages since I last blogged.
I don't know why i always blog when I'm feeling really low, but I do.
It's weird, I found out that someone I know reads my blog. Which was creepy, and I then went home and had to check what i'd said about them in it...nothing bad, i don't think.
So, basically, my life is a disaster. A complete and utter fuck up.
Ignoring the obvious multitude of faults with myself, here's what else makes life shit today:
Charlie hates me.
Ajay hates me.
Jack S hates me.
Tom groped me in the middle of physics...and hates me.
Jake probably hates me.
Sam seems to hate me now.
I never see my best friend.
I have no friends.
I don't think i actually have feelings anymore...aside from 'deathly' and 'tired'.
I'm always tired...I have the symptoms of anemia.
Sleep is terrible because all i have is nightmares.
The only people I care about couldn't care less about me, never talk to me first, never make en effort and have abandoned me. Probably hate me, too.
I'm starting to think that i sound depressed.
Which is, another reason to be depressed.
I want to cry, all day, until I'm numb and don't feel anything anymore.
If I fail my exams I'll get kicked out of school.
I'm probably too stupid to pass.
I find it hard to breathe...but not in that sense.
I'm going to be alone forever because I depress everyone else.
I just want to be normal, have a few friends, enjoy school...why can't I just let myself? Am I that much of an attention seeker?
The only person I want to talk to about any of this...seemed to worry when i mentioned it...that I'd burden him with my problems.
I can't tell anyone properly how I feel...when I try they come up with all these 'simple' fixed and they don't work...I can't just forget everything I'm feelings.
I feel like I'm in constant emotional overload, and I'm not even happy...I don't fit in, I don't know what to say anymore...or how to be the right thing. And the thing is, no one's ever going to like me for who I am. It's stupid, but, I just want one person, to take the time to remember me out of everyone like friends seem to do to each other...but never to me. I want to feel like a matter a very small amount to one person, and that is mine. Because otherwise...what do I really have?
A family who can't wait to get rid of me.
No talent.
No friends.
No future.
And, even if I had the rest of it...if I don't feel something, what's the point in being alive?
Oh, just fuck it. Let's be superficial and fake. Let's have back-stabbing friends, and a stupid amount of boyfriends. What could go wrong that already hasn't?
Fia had a great birthday party, from my perspective. I enjoyed it. Livvi and Imogen are lovely. :)
And, Holly and I are meeting up over the summer.
James is coming down from Horsham in half-term.
Seeing James Mondo in the summer, too.
Goergia and I are going wild on the twon after exams.
and Graeme and I are going ice-skating once exams are done.
I just need to pass first.
Oh, well, maybe I am depressing...I can understand why Sam would change his mind. Why any guy'd change his mind about me.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Monday, 1 March 2010
Playing God - Paramore
My day...
I slept, I went to church.
Oh, yeah, funny thing...I may not believe in God...but, I feel so comfortable at church.
I guess, accepted. I want to stay there for as long as possible.
I mean, I dunno...but, they seem to genuinely like me, which is really lovely.
It's like...even Jonathan's mum acts like she likes me. Which, i'll admit, is really awkward for me, seeing her...I get all these knots in my stomach and feel really stupid, because obviously, she knows the whole story. But, even if she totally hates me for all of it, I think she's really nice.
And, I actually feel really bad about Catherine and Imogen thinking I wasn't trying to be nice to them when I would be round at their house 'cause I didn't say hi. It was only because I was half scared of them (they're intimidating...so smart and pretty...it makes me feel like a squashed slug in comparison.) and half because I was scared they wouldn't like me so I tried not to say anything.
But, anyway, I'll apologise for that when i next see them.
*Pokemon theme tune* OMG! I love Pokemon.
There's a show that's basically Pokemon/ Yu-Gi-Oh...and they even have the voice of Ash as a character called Max.
But, it's soooo cute!
heh. It's called Dinosaur King. it's on every morning XD before college. And, cool that i am, I watch it.
But, anyway, I think i'll do more at church now. :)
After RAG.
Steven said they were all going to come and see Pippa and I in RAG XD haha. It'll be cool though.
It's horrible...things as they are right now. But, I'm going to try my hardest!
And, change myself completely.
I can pull of being several people...so I will...
Acting, isn't really that hard, it comes naturally, people just don't know that about me.
I think I'll start tomorrow.
I think I'll start with my natural mode: Ice queen.
It's what I feel most comfortable as.
Oh, yeah, Blog...a gay guy fancies me...who'd have thunk it?
But, he's 'totally your slave' (that's what he said to me. Kinda weird, I guess, but, boys are weird.
I may give them up for lent.
I don't care about any of them from this point on.
Okay, except that which I do.
I Don't tell anyone, about the way you hold my hand.
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned.
I won't tell anybody, won't tell anybody,
They want to push me down, they want to see you fall.
Now, won't tell anybody, how you turn my world around.
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound.
I won't tell anybody, won't tell anybody,
They wanna see us fall, they wanna see us fall.
I don't need a parachute, baby, if I've got you.
baby, if I've got you, i don't need a parachute.
You're gonna catch me, you're gonna catch if I fall.
I slept, I went to church.
Oh, yeah, funny thing...I may not believe in God...but, I feel so comfortable at church.
I guess, accepted. I want to stay there for as long as possible.
I mean, I dunno...but, they seem to genuinely like me, which is really lovely.
It's like...even Jonathan's mum acts like she likes me. Which, i'll admit, is really awkward for me, seeing her...I get all these knots in my stomach and feel really stupid, because obviously, she knows the whole story. But, even if she totally hates me for all of it, I think she's really nice.
And, I actually feel really bad about Catherine and Imogen thinking I wasn't trying to be nice to them when I would be round at their house 'cause I didn't say hi. It was only because I was half scared of them (they're intimidating...so smart and pretty...it makes me feel like a squashed slug in comparison.) and half because I was scared they wouldn't like me so I tried not to say anything.
But, anyway, I'll apologise for that when i next see them.
*Pokemon theme tune* OMG! I love Pokemon.
There's a show that's basically Pokemon/ Yu-Gi-Oh...and they even have the voice of Ash as a character called Max.
But, it's soooo cute!
heh. It's called Dinosaur King. it's on every morning XD before college. And, cool that i am, I watch it.
But, anyway, I think i'll do more at church now. :)
After RAG.
Steven said they were all going to come and see Pippa and I in RAG XD haha. It'll be cool though.
It's horrible...things as they are right now. But, I'm going to try my hardest!
And, change myself completely.
I can pull of being several people...so I will...
Acting, isn't really that hard, it comes naturally, people just don't know that about me.
I think I'll start tomorrow.
I think I'll start with my natural mode: Ice queen.
It's what I feel most comfortable as.
Oh, yeah, Blog...a gay guy fancies me...who'd have thunk it?
But, he's 'totally your slave' (that's what he said to me. Kinda weird, I guess, but, boys are weird.
I may give them up for lent.
I don't care about any of them from this point on.
Okay, except that which I do.
I Don't tell anyone, about the way you hold my hand.
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned.
I won't tell anybody, won't tell anybody,
They want to push me down, they want to see you fall.
Now, won't tell anybody, how you turn my world around.
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound.
I won't tell anybody, won't tell anybody,
They wanna see us fall, they wanna see us fall.
I don't need a parachute, baby, if I've got you.
baby, if I've got you, i don't need a parachute.
You're gonna catch me, you're gonna catch if I fall.
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Valentine's Day - Linkin Park
My life is so SCREWED UP!
One minute it's all cool, and the next I'm having some massive argument with Ajay, and he's close to yelling at me, and I'm so angry I don't even know why. It's so stupid, and I'm now in bloody tears because I feel bad. I'm such a bitch. :( Why do I do these things?! Every time I speak my mind, people realise how much I'm holding back and they hate me. I can;t manage being myself and being friends.
Maybe I'll just be myself from now on? and see if anyone still puts up with me. i doubt they would.
But, i'm still mad, he has all these ridiculous ideas and the way he lives is so strange...pets and owners? what? It just sounds so wrong. But, what the hell do I care? He's just some randomer anyway...he'll go away eventually.
I'm pissed off with kevin, too. He's a big, fat liar! Grrrrr.
And, of course, then there's Ivan...our Russian Playboy.
The one who apparently pulled Treeva in the music block today, but, he denies it, except now I'm not so certain about that. He acts strangely, too.
Arg.
It's at times like these I really miss Jon being around. But, of course, that's all good and well if he gave a crap whether I lived or died.
Why has everyone become so shite?
I'm probably going to fail all of my exams, and just die alone.
It's so...hard. This life, it really is. I have to put so much effort in, and smile all day, and pretend I am sooo fine. That I enjoy every minute. But, I don't. I hate, every day, every second. It drives me mad. When I try, I know I'll fail, so why bother? Why not delude myself a while longer? That i may actually have ability...
There are days when I really wish, more than anything that I'd never existed. I still do. I want to vanish and never come back; leave all of these people behind, change who I am and never, ever look back at a single one of the people, or promises I have in my life.
My life...it's just not ever going to be what I need it to be.
And, the longer I stay, the harder it gets for me.
It's so stupid, but, more than anything else I'd just love to have a day where...where I didn't feel like everything was fracturing around me...or more, inside me, because it feels like that and it hurts, my chest hurts all the time. I want to believe when someone says something nice to me. But, i can't. I can't believe that anyone would ever talk to, look at or know me and think the things they say. Maybe I am just a GIANT pessimist, but I don't care anymore.
I really, couldn't give a shit about what people think I must be because of how I feel. I want nothing more than to just replace myself...
But, for the moment, I need to transform myself, more. In to the perfect student. I won't go out with my friends anymore. I'll see that at school, that will be enough, and then I will work my little ...big...socks off until I can go to university. Then, once I'm through that...I won't be coming home ever again, or commuincating with the people I leave behind, or used to know.
In the end, all you need is yourself.
I only hope that I can wait that long...because sometime I almost don't go home again...
Well, what would it matter anyway? I don't expect anyone to follow me but my family, and they only would for show. For the expected love of family. Because it's not there.
Oh well. What a good, self-pitying life story I have. I'm so glad hardly anyone reads this. Mostly because, people would PRETEND they gave a crap about how I felt, and then suggest I should talk to my parents or something else. But, I don't want to. I'll always keep how I really feel hidden properly. because this doesn't cover half of the emotions I feel. But, none of them really matter.
I'm going to go to bed, have a cry, and attempt to sleep before day-break. Doesn't matter, it rarely happens.
Frankie...the idiot.
One minute it's all cool, and the next I'm having some massive argument with Ajay, and he's close to yelling at me, and I'm so angry I don't even know why. It's so stupid, and I'm now in bloody tears because I feel bad. I'm such a bitch. :( Why do I do these things?! Every time I speak my mind, people realise how much I'm holding back and they hate me. I can;t manage being myself and being friends.
Maybe I'll just be myself from now on? and see if anyone still puts up with me. i doubt they would.
But, i'm still mad, he has all these ridiculous ideas and the way he lives is so strange...pets and owners? what? It just sounds so wrong. But, what the hell do I care? He's just some randomer anyway...he'll go away eventually.
I'm pissed off with kevin, too. He's a big, fat liar! Grrrrr.
And, of course, then there's Ivan...our Russian Playboy.
The one who apparently pulled Treeva in the music block today, but, he denies it, except now I'm not so certain about that. He acts strangely, too.
Arg.
It's at times like these I really miss Jon being around. But, of course, that's all good and well if he gave a crap whether I lived or died.
Why has everyone become so shite?
I'm probably going to fail all of my exams, and just die alone.
It's so...hard. This life, it really is. I have to put so much effort in, and smile all day, and pretend I am sooo fine. That I enjoy every minute. But, I don't. I hate, every day, every second. It drives me mad. When I try, I know I'll fail, so why bother? Why not delude myself a while longer? That i may actually have ability...
There are days when I really wish, more than anything that I'd never existed. I still do. I want to vanish and never come back; leave all of these people behind, change who I am and never, ever look back at a single one of the people, or promises I have in my life.
My life...it's just not ever going to be what I need it to be.
And, the longer I stay, the harder it gets for me.
It's so stupid, but, more than anything else I'd just love to have a day where...where I didn't feel like everything was fracturing around me...or more, inside me, because it feels like that and it hurts, my chest hurts all the time. I want to believe when someone says something nice to me. But, i can't. I can't believe that anyone would ever talk to, look at or know me and think the things they say. Maybe I am just a GIANT pessimist, but I don't care anymore.
I really, couldn't give a shit about what people think I must be because of how I feel. I want nothing more than to just replace myself...
But, for the moment, I need to transform myself, more. In to the perfect student. I won't go out with my friends anymore. I'll see that at school, that will be enough, and then I will work my little ...big...socks off until I can go to university. Then, once I'm through that...I won't be coming home ever again, or commuincating with the people I leave behind, or used to know.
In the end, all you need is yourself.
I only hope that I can wait that long...because sometime I almost don't go home again...
Well, what would it matter anyway? I don't expect anyone to follow me but my family, and they only would for show. For the expected love of family. Because it's not there.
Oh well. What a good, self-pitying life story I have. I'm so glad hardly anyone reads this. Mostly because, people would PRETEND they gave a crap about how I felt, and then suggest I should talk to my parents or something else. But, I don't want to. I'll always keep how I really feel hidden properly. because this doesn't cover half of the emotions I feel. But, none of them really matter.
I'm going to go to bed, have a cry, and attempt to sleep before day-break. Doesn't matter, it rarely happens.
Frankie...the idiot.
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Shimey, Shimey, Quarter Turn.
I've been rather busy recently.
RAG week is so much hard work! But, so much fun.
We're doing a dance to Fame and Candyman. :) David's agreed to be in it, so that makes : Luke, Daniel, David, and Usaid to my knowledge. Then of course there's the rest of us, like Nina, Naomi and myself etc.
Anyway, I'm working on more Physics coursework, which has proven itself to be hazardous to the safety of my classmates. Let's just say..the experiment I'm working on is violent and Song-Yi almost got hit with a kg moving at around 40mph.
But, that's lots of fun. :) My teacher sent me down the corridor with a HUGE knife...I felt like a serial killer...haha.
Stuff has been so weird lately...it's so confusing and irritating. :(
Basically...I have no interest in these people and they don't leave well enough alone. There's this guy I know, and much as he's lovely...er...well, not happening. Except, he thinks that it is. He thinks we're in a relationship...um...hello?! I mean, first off...if he'd asked me or something I might understand, but he hasn't and I'd definitely say no. But, if I say something I'm worried about how he'd act about...considering he's convinced himself we have a relationship. I don't know what to do! :(
Okay, then there's another guy, Sam, who's been my mate for simply agesssss and he got drunk and came on MSN the other day...then suddenly blurted out that he really fancied me. O_O Erughhhhhh.
Okay, why? Seriously, there is no reason for people to fancy me...:/ I don't have anything going for me, certainly not enough to warrant more than one person liking me.
But, no...there's also Charlie, who, oh, even better...has a girlfriend. WTF?! I pretty much told him to f*** off, but, it's still really weird. Abd, he won't take no for an answer. Which considering he has a girlfriend, if I didn't not want the poor girl in tears I'd tell her. I don't even know the girl but a guy like that is bad news. Full stop.
Anyway, enough about my screwed up friends.
I bought myself an Xbox 360 over half-term. It's awesome!
Okay, fine, I stil need to set it up...but, whatever. Alice and I are both going to get Xbox Live and thrash Peter and Simon on it! Muwahaha.
Alice has invited me to her birthday party, I'm really pleased because I was worried she wouldn't, but she did, she said I'm a really close friend. :)That was really nice to hear. ^^
But, yeah, I've bought myself some pretty cool games for the Xbox. :) :) :)
I suppose I'm no too bad right now...I'm getting happier. ^^
Natalie just sent me some pretty epic music, too!:) :) Nat's so awesome.
Bleh, I don't feel too well.
I have dance tomorrow, too. Thank God I only have three lessons tomorrow. :)
Oh, and a maths test...and a RAG meeting with MR. Keeble. haha.
Fun, fun, fun, when do i eat?
Oh, yeah...I barely do anymore.
Oh, yeah...my BMI is 16. :)
RAG week is so much hard work! But, so much fun.
We're doing a dance to Fame and Candyman. :) David's agreed to be in it, so that makes : Luke, Daniel, David, and Usaid to my knowledge. Then of course there's the rest of us, like Nina, Naomi and myself etc.
Anyway, I'm working on more Physics coursework, which has proven itself to be hazardous to the safety of my classmates. Let's just say..the experiment I'm working on is violent and Song-Yi almost got hit with a kg moving at around 40mph.
But, that's lots of fun. :) My teacher sent me down the corridor with a HUGE knife...I felt like a serial killer...haha.
Stuff has been so weird lately...it's so confusing and irritating. :(
Basically...I have no interest in these people and they don't leave well enough alone. There's this guy I know, and much as he's lovely...er...well, not happening. Except, he thinks that it is. He thinks we're in a relationship...um...hello?! I mean, first off...if he'd asked me or something I might understand, but he hasn't and I'd definitely say no. But, if I say something I'm worried about how he'd act about...considering he's convinced himself we have a relationship. I don't know what to do! :(
Okay, then there's another guy, Sam, who's been my mate for simply agesssss and he got drunk and came on MSN the other day...then suddenly blurted out that he really fancied me. O_O Erughhhhhh.
Okay, why? Seriously, there is no reason for people to fancy me...:/ I don't have anything going for me, certainly not enough to warrant more than one person liking me.
But, no...there's also Charlie, who, oh, even better...has a girlfriend. WTF?! I pretty much told him to f*** off, but, it's still really weird. Abd, he won't take no for an answer. Which considering he has a girlfriend, if I didn't not want the poor girl in tears I'd tell her. I don't even know the girl but a guy like that is bad news. Full stop.
Anyway, enough about my screwed up friends.
I bought myself an Xbox 360 over half-term. It's awesome!
Okay, fine, I stil need to set it up...but, whatever. Alice and I are both going to get Xbox Live and thrash Peter and Simon on it! Muwahaha.
Alice has invited me to her birthday party, I'm really pleased because I was worried she wouldn't, but she did, she said I'm a really close friend. :)That was really nice to hear. ^^
But, yeah, I've bought myself some pretty cool games for the Xbox. :) :) :)
I suppose I'm no too bad right now...I'm getting happier. ^^
Natalie just sent me some pretty epic music, too!:) :) Nat's so awesome.
Bleh, I don't feel too well.
I have dance tomorrow, too. Thank God I only have three lessons tomorrow. :)
Oh, and a maths test...and a RAG meeting with MR. Keeble. haha.
Fun, fun, fun, when do i eat?
Oh, yeah...I barely do anymore.
Oh, yeah...my BMI is 16. :)
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Self Inflicted - Katy Perry
Okay, hey, blog, it's been ages!
Lots of stuff's been going on.
First off - SUPERNATURAL COMES BACK TO TELEVISION THIS MONTH! Well, actually it was the 11th...very possibly today...if I knew the date.
Anyway, I went to the cinema to see the new Sherlock Holmes film with my mum last night. It was freakin' awesome!
(JUDE LAW <3<3<3 OMG, LOVE!) Heh. :P
Yeah. Moving on.
I had my physics presentation on swords the other week. I was so terrified. Talking for ten minutes in from of people? Blimey! But, I did it! Without, fainting, throwing up, crying, shaking, stuttering, getting dizzy, feeling sick, forgetting what i had to say or showing my nerves. Therefore, overall, I consider my performance an outstanding success.
I got 8/10 for it :). David Bowman helped me heaps with the practicing and how to set it out. I owe him big time! :) But, it's cool.
Hmm...what else...had exams last month, was not fun, the end.
I have more Physics coursework now. :(
Hmmm...what else?
Oh, yeah, ha. My friends and I ( Gourdan, Sho, Yau, Tom and I) went up to London (soho) for the day. That was pretty epic, we had lunch in china town, and some very odd things happened.
I was waiting for my food to come, whereas, Tom and Sho's has already been put on the table...they offered the rest of us some and then me because I hadn't had anything. Basically, Tom picked up some...toast thing with his chop sticks and was like 'have some' I refused. He insisted. I refused. He said he'd feed it to me otherwise, he tried, I said no, firmly while moving backwards.
Sho, then picks up a piece himself with his own chopsticks (Sho's sitting next to me) and offers me some.
I just stare at him. 'Take a bite, annoy Tom' he says. I'm fed up of being coerced into eating, so I take a bite.
I wish i hadn't, because, then, Sho points at Tom, and goes 'HA! REJECTED!'
I am, still, at a loss.
However, Tom and Sho certainly behaved oddly that day. While we were on the tube on our way to Oxford Street, it got pretty crowded, and Gourdan and Tom ended up on one side, Sho and I wedged in another corner. Sho, decided to sit on the floor...I stood next to him...and he suddenly put his hands round my leg. Then my thigh. My reaction pretty much equates to: O_O
I didn't say anything because it was too weird, but, honestly I still don't have a clue what that was about haha. It was strange. Also, the fact that everyone keeps saying I reject Tom on a regular basis...I hadn't noticed! :/
Oh, on that note, the other night, i was on MSN to Tom about Physics work, and he went afk for a bath or something. Which was, okay, normal. When he came back he declared ' I am back from bathing'
Naturally, I just replied 'Good. Nice and clean then.'
He said 'Yep'
I replied 'good, good :)' hoping the conversation could now move on. Oh, how wrong I was. No, Tom's reply was:
'Well, more wet and naked than nice and clean.'
What. The. F*ck?!
I 1- Never, ever, in a million and five years wanted THAT mental image.
2- Who replies like that?
3- Who sits naked at theircomputer and then declares it to their friend?
O_O *eyes bleed*
Then, we ended up in an argument and he told me I was a heartless, emotionless bitch...basically.
Natalie wants to break his face with a bench, now. :/
Funny thin is, we're talking (Tom and I...) without apologising about it to each other.
BTW- if you wondered, he called me tht because I called hima fish, of all things.
Haha.
Anyway, things are a bit odd at the moment. Hahaha, well, I'd best be off. Lots of chewing up to do :P
Lots of stuff's been going on.
First off - SUPERNATURAL COMES BACK TO TELEVISION THIS MONTH! Well, actually it was the 11th...very possibly today...if I knew the date.
Anyway, I went to the cinema to see the new Sherlock Holmes film with my mum last night. It was freakin' awesome!
(JUDE LAW <3<3<3 OMG, LOVE!) Heh. :P
Yeah. Moving on.
I had my physics presentation on swords the other week. I was so terrified. Talking for ten minutes in from of people? Blimey! But, I did it! Without, fainting, throwing up, crying, shaking, stuttering, getting dizzy, feeling sick, forgetting what i had to say or showing my nerves. Therefore, overall, I consider my performance an outstanding success.
I got 8/10 for it :). David Bowman helped me heaps with the practicing and how to set it out. I owe him big time! :) But, it's cool.
Hmm...what else...had exams last month, was not fun, the end.
I have more Physics coursework now. :(
Hmmm...what else?
Oh, yeah, ha. My friends and I ( Gourdan, Sho, Yau, Tom and I) went up to London (soho) for the day. That was pretty epic, we had lunch in china town, and some very odd things happened.
I was waiting for my food to come, whereas, Tom and Sho's has already been put on the table...they offered the rest of us some and then me because I hadn't had anything. Basically, Tom picked up some...toast thing with his chop sticks and was like 'have some' I refused. He insisted. I refused. He said he'd feed it to me otherwise, he tried, I said no, firmly while moving backwards.
Sho, then picks up a piece himself with his own chopsticks (Sho's sitting next to me) and offers me some.
I just stare at him. 'Take a bite, annoy Tom' he says. I'm fed up of being coerced into eating, so I take a bite.
I wish i hadn't, because, then, Sho points at Tom, and goes 'HA! REJECTED!'
I am, still, at a loss.
However, Tom and Sho certainly behaved oddly that day. While we were on the tube on our way to Oxford Street, it got pretty crowded, and Gourdan and Tom ended up on one side, Sho and I wedged in another corner. Sho, decided to sit on the floor...I stood next to him...and he suddenly put his hands round my leg. Then my thigh. My reaction pretty much equates to: O_O
I didn't say anything because it was too weird, but, honestly I still don't have a clue what that was about haha. It was strange. Also, the fact that everyone keeps saying I reject Tom on a regular basis...I hadn't noticed! :/
Oh, on that note, the other night, i was on MSN to Tom about Physics work, and he went afk for a bath or something. Which was, okay, normal. When he came back he declared ' I am back from bathing'
Naturally, I just replied 'Good. Nice and clean then.'
He said 'Yep'
I replied 'good, good :)' hoping the conversation could now move on. Oh, how wrong I was. No, Tom's reply was:
'Well, more wet and naked than nice and clean.'
What. The. F*ck?!
I 1- Never, ever, in a million and five years wanted THAT mental image.
2- Who replies like that?
3- Who sits naked at theircomputer and then declares it to their friend?
O_O *eyes bleed*
Then, we ended up in an argument and he told me I was a heartless, emotionless bitch...basically.
Natalie wants to break his face with a bench, now. :/
Funny thin is, we're talking (Tom and I...) without apologising about it to each other.
BTW- if you wondered, he called me tht because I called hima fish, of all things.
Haha.
Anyway, things are a bit odd at the moment. Hahaha, well, I'd best be off. Lots of chewing up to do :P
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Too Fake
I'd do anything that I'm told to
I'd even mean it if I'm supposed to
leave me on a little
I go for broke
Leave me on some more
I'd go for the big toke
Everybody's watching oh but nobody cares
Oh wait cause no
Nobody's watching but everybody cares
Oh whatever talk to you later
Chorus
Look out!
Cause I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I wish I didn't have to be but watch out
I got too much soul for the world
It's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
Get off
I go to church and
I'm expected to be lost soul
They need examples to use
I could stay forever leave right now
It's your call either way
It's time to use my life for myself
(most people just won't tell you that)
I'm gona use my life for someone else, yeah
no wait wait wait wait
Chorus
Look out!
cause I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I wish I didn't have to be but watch out
I got too much soul for the world
It's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
Hurts right?
But I can't even talk to you
about my effect on people
cause I'm doing the same thing to you
that's right even right now
oh just wait up for me if you want to but
Chorus
Look out, now
I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I hope you can forgive me
oh now
Got too much soul for the world
and it's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
oh look out now
I'm just too fake for the world
and there's nothing I can do about it
yeah I'm just too fake for you
I don't like it but it's true
Look out
I got too much soul for the world
it's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
look out
I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I hope you can forgive me
look out now
I'm too fake
Heroes was awesome last night! And, Sylar was even more awesome than usual. Much awesome-ness. Yes, awesome is going to be mentioned a lot in this blog.
Okay, so, basically...there was just major sexy sylar-ness...that was the episode. So, of course I enjoyed it. I was dying...blinded by the beauty and...just generally rather 'Zacharyyyyyyyyyyyyy'. Except, my mum watched it with me...well, the second part so there was less squeeing at Zachary during that. My mother disapproves of my Squeeing habits. Better than some though. :P
Anyway, I have to go...examssss.
I'd even mean it if I'm supposed to
leave me on a little
I go for broke
Leave me on some more
I'd go for the big toke
Everybody's watching oh but nobody cares
Oh wait cause no
Nobody's watching but everybody cares
Oh whatever talk to you later
Chorus
Look out!
Cause I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I wish I didn't have to be but watch out
I got too much soul for the world
It's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
Get off
I go to church and
I'm expected to be lost soul
They need examples to use
I could stay forever leave right now
It's your call either way
It's time to use my life for myself
(most people just won't tell you that)
I'm gona use my life for someone else, yeah
no wait wait wait wait
Chorus
Look out!
cause I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I wish I didn't have to be but watch out
I got too much soul for the world
It's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
Hurts right?
But I can't even talk to you
about my effect on people
cause I'm doing the same thing to you
that's right even right now
oh just wait up for me if you want to but
Chorus
Look out, now
I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I hope you can forgive me
oh now
Got too much soul for the world
and it's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
oh look out now
I'm just too fake for the world
and there's nothing I can do about it
yeah I'm just too fake for you
I don't like it but it's true
Look out
I got too much soul for the world
it's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's true
look out
I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me
I'm just too fake you see
I hope you can forgive me
look out now
I'm too fake
Heroes was awesome last night! And, Sylar was even more awesome than usual. Much awesome-ness. Yes, awesome is going to be mentioned a lot in this blog.
Okay, so, basically...there was just major sexy sylar-ness...that was the episode. So, of course I enjoyed it. I was dying...blinded by the beauty and...just generally rather 'Zacharyyyyyyyyyyyyy'. Except, my mum watched it with me...well, the second part so there was less squeeing at Zachary during that. My mother disapproves of my Squeeing habits. Better than some though. :P
Anyway, I have to go...examssss.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Baby, It's Fact
Just in case they're wondering
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
Cause they don't know how real love feels
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us too soon
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The word black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true
They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards.
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
So it must be true
And they'll believe us too soon
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true
It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Oh oh ohhh
It's true
Whoa oh ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love
Our love is true
I LOVE HelloGoodbye!
Omg, Heroes comes back on air today! Waa-hoo and Zachary Quinto's cotton socks with cherries. Okay...maybe that was a bit weird. XD Haha.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, so, it's been...um...four days since my last post, correct?
Of course, I could just check and then change this if I'm wrong, but I can't be bothered.
There is STILL snow outside.
I hate snow.
So much.
It's like...hell slushies. I don't like slushies either, if you hadn't guessed from that. I doubt anyone actually could guess that from that though.
So, okay, no school on Wednesday and Thursday. Then school ending early on Friday.
Met Jonathan after school, swapped (late) Christmas presents, and went to Kingston.
CEx is my love.
Well, not my only love...one of them. One of the not actual love loves...just love. If that makes sense. :)
Anyway, I have to stop saying anyway all the time when I run out of topics...
I haven't actually run out, just, wanted to change topic...which I do anyway.
Anyway...
Did that without even thinking about it! Ahhhhh! Lucky for me that I no longer study English, I suppose. I miss English, and History.
I think I'll become a geneticist is nothing else works out, or a journalist...maybe a historian and go and live in some desert somewhere...or, oh, I could do game design, or...fashion...or...Quantum Physics :P Or...I'd love to do writing...hmm...I want to be a dicrector! That sounds like so much fun!
But, my heart always turns to something (QP) I probably don't have the ability for. :(
Okay, well, I guess I shouldn't give up.
I have a new DA account.
Ivan just told me something amusing:
20:17 Ivan: I wanted to say good luck to you on friday but you kind of looked at me and walked away haha
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
How mean of me!
I didn't actually realise this at the time though...I don't even know when he's talking about but i love the fact that I just 'looked at him' and then walked away. Like 'pfft, as if.'
He's quite sweet really, even if we're not close friends anymore.
THAT BITCH TREEVA!
Ehem. She is though. As soon as I told Ivan I wasn't gonna hang out as much she was in there, and doesn't ever leave him alone.
Thing is, everyone thinks it's weird, 1- because she acts like his gf and she has a bf already. 2- because she's a bitch. 3- because they're not the type of people who're normally friends.
Okay, okay, so, I don't like her, never have, and now she's even more horrible to me.
But, Ivan and I will always be mates, we're too cool not to be haha.
But, who really cares.
We're going to have a KFC winter picnic...in a greenhouse! Next week.
Yau, Yaidenlina, Tom, Caroline, Aysia, Gourdan, Sho, James, Will, Flynn, Hannah and I. :) It'll be fun.
Yeah...the idea was mine, if you didn't guess.
We're having pokemon cupcakes, too. Also my idea...and James' obsession.
Oh, yes, almost forgot...
I HAD THE BEST PRESENT EVER FOR CHRISTMAS FROM JONATHAN! (ehem)
Okay, so I asked for it. But, I have a Helix pendant!!!! OMG, it's so awesomeeeeee.<3!
*Victory dance*
But, I'd better go and watch Dollshouse before it gets too late and my Heroes DOUBLE Bill [ Omgshdjfurtdnshsgsfdhfdkgkldjs!!!!!!] <--- That'd be an exclamation of uber excitement.
I've decided something...
I'm not going to make a fuss about stuff anymore. I'm going to keep to myself, do my own thing, hang out with my friends, work hard, and try not to dwell on the things that have upset me recently. There's probably no point in getting upset about it anymore. I don't think he wants me there anymore, in any capacity, and much as that hurts I can't change it, after all...*sigh* so, I'll just be myself and hope that's not the case. Because I'd miss him a lot.
No doubt...at some point this view of mine will change but I don't want things to be horrid between us, because it's the most horrible thing ever. :(
I just want...I dunno...him to always be happy. :)
I still remember days,
Things weren't always this way.
I used to make you smile. If only for a while.
I know that people change, maybe you're no to blame, but must you burn a hole, so deep into my soul?
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
Cause they don't know how real love feels
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us too soon
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The word black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true
They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards.
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
So it must be true
And they'll believe us too soon
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true
It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Oh oh ohhh
It's true
Whoa oh ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love
Our love is true
I LOVE HelloGoodbye!
Omg, Heroes comes back on air today! Waa-hoo and Zachary Quinto's cotton socks with cherries. Okay...maybe that was a bit weird. XD Haha.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, so, it's been...um...four days since my last post, correct?
Of course, I could just check and then change this if I'm wrong, but I can't be bothered.
There is STILL snow outside.
I hate snow.
So much.
It's like...hell slushies. I don't like slushies either, if you hadn't guessed from that. I doubt anyone actually could guess that from that though.
So, okay, no school on Wednesday and Thursday. Then school ending early on Friday.
Met Jonathan after school, swapped (late) Christmas presents, and went to Kingston.
CEx is my love.
Well, not my only love...one of them. One of the not actual love loves...just love. If that makes sense. :)
Anyway, I have to stop saying anyway all the time when I run out of topics...
I haven't actually run out, just, wanted to change topic...which I do anyway.
Anyway...
Did that without even thinking about it! Ahhhhh! Lucky for me that I no longer study English, I suppose. I miss English, and History.
I think I'll become a geneticist is nothing else works out, or a journalist...maybe a historian and go and live in some desert somewhere...or, oh, I could do game design, or...fashion...or...Quantum Physics :P Or...I'd love to do writing...hmm...I want to be a dicrector! That sounds like so much fun!
But, my heart always turns to something (QP) I probably don't have the ability for. :(
Okay, well, I guess I shouldn't give up.
I have a new DA account.
Ivan just told me something amusing:
20:17 Ivan: I wanted to say good luck to you on friday but you kind of looked at me and walked away haha
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
How mean of me!
I didn't actually realise this at the time though...I don't even know when he's talking about but i love the fact that I just 'looked at him' and then walked away. Like 'pfft, as if.'
He's quite sweet really, even if we're not close friends anymore.
THAT BITCH TREEVA!
Ehem. She is though. As soon as I told Ivan I wasn't gonna hang out as much she was in there, and doesn't ever leave him alone.
Thing is, everyone thinks it's weird, 1- because she acts like his gf and she has a bf already. 2- because she's a bitch. 3- because they're not the type of people who're normally friends.
Okay, okay, so, I don't like her, never have, and now she's even more horrible to me.
But, Ivan and I will always be mates, we're too cool not to be haha.
But, who really cares.
We're going to have a KFC winter picnic...in a greenhouse! Next week.
Yau, Yaidenlina, Tom, Caroline, Aysia, Gourdan, Sho, James, Will, Flynn, Hannah and I. :) It'll be fun.
Yeah...the idea was mine, if you didn't guess.
We're having pokemon cupcakes, too. Also my idea...and James' obsession.
Oh, yes, almost forgot...
I HAD THE BEST PRESENT EVER FOR CHRISTMAS FROM JONATHAN! (ehem)
Okay, so I asked for it. But, I have a Helix pendant!!!! OMG, it's so awesomeeeeee.<3!
*Victory dance*
But, I'd better go and watch Dollshouse before it gets too late and my Heroes DOUBLE Bill [ Omgshdjfurtdnshsgsfdhfdkgkldjs!!!!!!] <--- That'd be an exclamation of uber excitement.
I've decided something...
I'm not going to make a fuss about stuff anymore. I'm going to keep to myself, do my own thing, hang out with my friends, work hard, and try not to dwell on the things that have upset me recently. There's probably no point in getting upset about it anymore. I don't think he wants me there anymore, in any capacity, and much as that hurts I can't change it, after all...*sigh* so, I'll just be myself and hope that's not the case. Because I'd miss him a lot.
No doubt...at some point this view of mine will change but I don't want things to be horrid between us, because it's the most horrible thing ever. :(
I just want...I dunno...him to always be happy. :)
I still remember days,
Things weren't always this way.
I used to make you smile. If only for a while.
I know that people change, maybe you're no to blame, but must you burn a hole, so deep into my soul?
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